You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
