This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
