I think I am morally bankrupt
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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