youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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