In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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