I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
