I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
