The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
they're like a gay fantastic four
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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