I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
