i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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