I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
