dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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