I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Everyone says I win the strip club
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
