I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Floor bacon is actually really good
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
