I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
