whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
