I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
