So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
