so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
