shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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