alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
