Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
