Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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