Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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