on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
