pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
