you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
