dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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