Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
