if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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