you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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