If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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