Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
