that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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