absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
