I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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