There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
