Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just gift wrapped bread.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
