if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
