If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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