Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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