So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
