I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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