toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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