Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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