meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
