Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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