WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
