I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
