Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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