Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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