ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
