I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
