The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
